where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
