my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
