Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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