Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
