remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
