Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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