I think I died a long time ago.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
