im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
