hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
