is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
