he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
