I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
