trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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