Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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