saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
