R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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