I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
