Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
