broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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