I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
