Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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