no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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