Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
