well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
