I think my vagina is haunted
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
