I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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