i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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