my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize