I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
