my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
is wine microwaveable?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
