we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
