I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
false alarm, still single
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
