fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
