my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
