How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
