i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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