So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my poor anus
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
