when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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