I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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