I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
