I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
