I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
