and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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