there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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