I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
