just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
