We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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