dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
