so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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