dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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