tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
