Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
