good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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