Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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