john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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