You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize