I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She announced her abortion via fbk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
do nipples grow back?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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