Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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