That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
