do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize