she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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