i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
