Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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