I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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