I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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