i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
