I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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