Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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