and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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