I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
