Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
