The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He shit in the fireplace
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
