Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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