dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
